So I thought since you have listened to me
complain vent about how ill I’ve been since my surgery, I’d share with you a day where my body did what I wanted it to. I felt quite ill, but I looked nice and was present for all the moments. I also got a TON of quality time with Emma which we both have been missing. Thursday night, I tried to sit through a movie with her and Jake, and when I checked how long it had been, it had only been an hour before I had to leave the room. It was nice to have my little shadow back (she is super shy). I managed by using a few tricks I keep in my toolbox. They’re only good for one day then I’m wiped for quite awhile, but at least they give me that day!
- I loaded up on medicine. This means being extremely strict with my medication times, taking extra beta blocker and blood pressure/hypotension control medicine to accommodate my standing, and taking my full dose of Adderall to help with my energy
- I know people won’t like this, but I didn’t eat except a tiny bit of fruit and chips all day because I didn’t want:
1) the blood that digestion requires to be taken away from circulation since that makes me dizzy
2) nausea/gastroparesis (which I did get when I finally did eat a bit of pork at the reception — 8 hours later the food was STILL in my stomach so I took some Reglan)
If you had to pick between being a bit hungry (which I wasn’t really because standing makes my POTS act up which in turn makes my stomach upset) or skipping your sister’s ceremony and reception, I bet you’d pick your sister too!
- I propped up my feet between standing. — I have some family members who watch my feet and when they start to turn red, they alert me! I think it is funny and sweet.
- I did my breathing that I was taught, especially while my feet were propped up. Several times throughout the day, this relieved my lightheadedness and level of nausea!
- Kind of like Nike, I kept telling myself “Just do it.” My day started out at the salon. Part way through I was so dizzy and I thought there was a good possibility I’d throw up. Immediately I began wondering if I would be able to push myself through the day like I had been sure I could. I told myself “Too bad, you’ll be so sad if you miss this — ignore it and just do it” and kept on going. I was so hopeful the makeup chair would be a lay back chair, but it wasn’t. There were so many times throughout the day where I thought I couldn’t keep pushing myself. I made it though and I am so happy I did. It was a beautiful day.
- I tried not to be hard on myself about not be as good at conversation as I would be if I weren’t feeling ill. It is hard to remember things or I will think of what I would have wanted to say too late. Sometimes I get really annoyed with myself over this and think I sound stupid/unintelligent, but I decided to just let it go! Being hard on myself doesn’t make it any easier to enjoy myself.
- I would think this is obvious, but I didn’t drink any alcohol, and I stayed very hydrated.
Here is my day in pictures:
In most pictures, my left eye (on your right in photo) looks normal. There are some pictures, especially those taken from an angle, where I can tell, but it is not anything near as bad as I had been imagining it may be.
Example: I’m not blinking, my eye is just doing that.
After Emma and I got our hair done, we met Jake at my Mom’s house. Here is us with our gorgeous hairdos. This is my preferred compression stocking dress. I wore them right up until I put on the bridesmaid dress.
I was surprised to get a present on my sister’s special day. It is a really sweet, sentimental sister’s frame.
I helped lace up my sister’s wedding dress. I made sure she couldn’t breathe by the time I was done! (This is an Emma-cam angle by the way)
I sat with my legs criss-crossed (I really miss calling it Indian Style and it not being politically incorrect) and watched my sister renew her vows to her husband. Isn’t she beautiful?
I lost a bit of weight from when I bought the dress (I have about an 10 pound range I go up and down depending on my stomach) so I pulled up my dress so many times! This was fortunate because when I bought it, I thought it needed taken out a bit in the bust area. That is where I usually gain weight weight first. I wish I’d remembered my tape I have for such problems. My aunt joked I should have bought some suspenders for my dress. 🙂
I posed for pictures.
Between pictures, I sat with my feet propped off to the side so I didn’t even have far to walk when I was needed again.
My Mom suggested we pull up a chair for me for pictures. I insisted I stand. I wanted to look “normal” in the pictures and I figured, if I’m making myself sick and wanting to fully enjoy the day as much as my body will allow, we might as well have pretty pictures. Am I right? I am right.
Awhile ago I realized when she is pretending to be me how little kids do with the adults in their lives, it often involves sitting with her feet propped up. At first this broke my heart, now I just think “aww she is playing at being me”
Maybe you won’t think these pictures are funny, but I do. After standing a lot, I shake A TON. Yesterday, even my toes were shaking. Emma was quite alarmed when she looked down to her side and saw my toes shaking. Her eyes bulged. I told her I knew they were shaking and not to worry about it/it doesn’t hurt me — that having my feet up awhile would help.
She didn’t quite think I knew what was going on: “Are you SURE you see what they’re doing? What if you put them on the ground?” (They still shook and I promised her it was okay — my toes were just confused since I don’t usually stand much.) She called over to Jake to see this modern marvel of a body I have. 🙂
So here is me at the reception standing and holding miss Emma. Yep! I’m pretty much a star. I even danced a few times at the reception, usually only through part of a song, but still.
I also did the photo booth a few times which required standing. It was a lot of fun!
The night had to end for me somehow right? Something was going to be “it” for me. So, when my cousin’s adorable little daughter who is a dancing queen came up to me and said “dance?” I decided dancing with her was the perfect activity to put me over the top and force me to call it quits. I didn’t recall (despite watching her dance all night) how her favorite dance move is holding hands and spinning in circles as quickly as possible! After spinning around for what felt like a long time, I was dizzy on top of my normal “I’ve been standing a bunch” dizzy. As I thought, it was worth it though. She definitely enjoys herself when she is dancing! We switched over to her teaching me some steps then I had to call it quits after dancing the last half of one song and the first half another. I wanted to finish one full song, but I decided it would be a bit traumatic for her if I passed out or threw up on the dance floor.
As we were leaving, after I broke it off with my little dance partner, my song came on. (Old Crow Medicine Show — Wagon Wheel) You can see what I thought about Jake suggesting we should leave anyway. By this point, my eyes were killing me, pounding headache, I was dizzy, nauseous, joints in pain, pretty sure a fever, throat on fire… but who cares? After all I did yesterday, 3 minutes was not going to be the end of me. I didn’t come that far to leave in the middle of my song! (Actually, I suppose that is pretty much the lecture he got now that I think of it LOL)
Sorry for any typos. 🙂 My eyes hurt so I don’t want to read through it!
Staci, I love you and your vow ceremony/reception was as fun as the first time around in Mexico. When you read this, know I came and stayed through all of my symptoms because I wanted to, not because I thought you’d mind at all if I said I felt sick and wanted to stay home/not being in pictures/skip part of the festivities/thought I’d feel better if you let me wear your wedding dress instead of you! Everyone else, know I did better than I would have in June of 2012. In June of 2012, it would have been impossible for me to go to this.